GAME DEV DIARIES
Season 1 Episode 8
Date: 24th October, 2020
TITLE: When You have Everything
(sigh)...Have you felt like you trying to push a wall?
In such a short time I felt like I hit a wall. Everything is literally a mess. No matter how much you prepare for such outcomes, the wall can't hurt any less. When you hit the wall head on, you endure the pain but you're never prepared for the craze that comes.
Everyday, I see the real size of my dream and how massive it truly can be. I have been making a game from June. It changes everyday. But while I'm dealing with I have to build my environment. I'm bringing my dream to life and the weight of it is difficult to lift. It's hard not to complain.
I've personally wanted to fill my pillow with tears and just let my emotions run wild but I didn't.
Maybe I cried too much at school?
The funny part is that I have what I needed. What I worked hard for, and yet why do I feel like this? Why does it feel this way? Maybe it's because of the new challenges I facing now. Imagine just after getting what you need and you don't have time to smile when life throws another pile of mess to sought out.
The old junk was still being solved and now this new heap comes forth.
I'm actually scratching my head writing this. Eight months since I just started and it's true when I see why people give up. I feel like this so many times. I see people who make grave mistakes out of desperation to succeed and immediately crash and burn. I've seen people who remained stuck in the loop.
One Pile after another
Illusions never stop coming. It feels like your eyes are being clouded. Like you can see your dream right in front of you. You start walking, then running towards it and slam! Right into this thick, Glass wall and the voices never stop laughing at what a fool you are.
Trying to figure out how to push the wall but it's too big, too thick to break, too high to climb and too long to walk around. You just feel like sitting down and start wailing and weep and complaining.
Deep. Going in too deep.
Today I'm writing this way, I normally try to avoid writing like this but today is how I feel. I didn't want to write this week because I've been feeling like this the whole week. It's been very hard to overcome. I feel like giving excuses right now, maybe I already did but I just had to write today. It's been bugging me since last Wednesday.
I'm going to find a solution and I'll make sure that I find a way out... No I already have the solution but sheesh it's hard to to get into them when your head is spinning. Like today ain't my country's Independence Day. What is wrong with me. But one question remains every time I keep moving.
"Should I just give up now?"
The answer will come in the results.
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