GAME DEV DIARIES
Season 1 Episode 9
Date: 29th October, 2020
TITLE: The show must go on
My feet are messed up. Too much walking. But even when they hurt, and blisters open(Haven't really had them in years) and the burning sun in this really hot season. I just have to go on.
I sit on that wooden chair spending a pace of every 5 minutes subconsciously adjusting to a more comfortable position or moving my but to a cooler side of the chair as I work on my business, I just have to go on.
It feels really good to find a way to out of despair when it gets to your head, especially if you're like me who goes through it for days. I guess what happened last week was a mistake of rushing for money too much. Not like I fell in love with it.
No no no!
I can say that the quest for trying to make money and searching on Quora for thousands of solutions somehow made me lose sight of he dream and the vision. I was trying to force another vision and was leading me away from the reason why I'm writing this dialogue today.
Just wanted a new Phone
But listening to myself and my conscience, my body soul and spirit. I realized I was missing something and I thank God that I realized it before it was too late. The quest for money is a really tricky journey. You tend to go forward through it thinking you have everything but find yourself giving up because you're missing something.
If I continued I can already guess what kind of person I could become... I not going to say it.
Life is fun, cause it sucks
So I'm back to dealing with the game. I found out what I was missing. It took me a while but all I had to do was look into my notebook and ask myself one question. Just forgetting about money, about the luxurious accessories, the nice house, car, food, clothing, feeling of superiority.
That was a joke.
But yeah, just humble my desires and forget about it. Delay the gratification. Okay I'll say it again. Just forgot about money and answered this one question that requires the real truth. And when I did that I found the passion I was about to lose and I'll work harder not to forget it again.
I used to invest in my dreams but then it I got drawn to the Get Rich Quick attitude. At first I thought it was only for those who seek funding too quickly and like in my country, loans are the way. But I realized that I was ignoring the opportunities my own skill-set that I've been building up could do for me if I just believed in them a little more.
And workout too you lazy bum.
So I'm back to crazy again. I'm back to the way I was supposed to be. Just that one question made me think back to the way I was supposed to be. It happened while in class and I listened to some friends talking about working for companies that would pay thousands of Kwacha.
Naturally I was fascinated by the amount; would be nice having such an amount coming into your pocket right? Then I kept myself back from the thought realizing my personal goals. It led to remembering the time I was an intern earlier this year when I heard my seniors(Supervisors) talking about the same topics of money.
Value more right?
I wanted to have a say but I kept quiet and just listened and reflected. I realized how empty I felt inside going on this quest for money. I then started off on my walk home, grabbed my bottle of water that was to my luck still refreshingly cold and I drank to my satisfaction in the heat of the day.
I looked up to the sky and reflected on what I had been doing and I realizing I went wrong somewhere but what was it. I walked through the suburbs seeing the beautiful cars passing and I dreamed of driving my favorite car too and suddenly this question ran through my head and I nearly missed the meaning from it.
"Where will I be 10 years from now?"
I wanted to answer that question easily but realizing what I had asked made me stop walking for a moment. I'd been searching for money that I went astray. And I shouldn't have. Looking for thousands of ways to make money my real business was dormantly waiting for me to get back to work.
I realized I forgot a huge chunk of so much I had in mind for the next years to come. My money pursuit became another vision when it should have supported my real vision. No wonder I was barely making reasonable progress with it.
Where would I be 10 years from now? How about 20 years or when I'm 60? Thank God I came back to my right senses.
I think I'll stop here now. I won't post anything next week. Got tests to deal with. But the next episode will be my final episode for Season one of Game Dev Diaries. I'll have so many announcements and brand new plans I intend to work on.
It's going to be long ride. I also have other announcements concerning the game and it's not really bad news but some adjustments had to made. Otherwise till next time...
See you after next week!
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