Game Dev Diaries S01 Ep 03

 GAME DEV DIARIES

Season 1 Episode 3

Date: 17th September, 2020
TITLE: The Inner Fears

 

 So for the months that have passed since I started Game Development, I've been constantly trying to overcome this common fear which makes your heart pump a hundred times faster, drowns you in anxiety and doubt with that inner voice that keeps urging you to just quit. 

And from what I know, it doesn't matter if your level of expertise in what you are pursing is at ground zero or a hundred fold, your emotional, spiritual and mental strengths are what will win the race.

 I spent months fighting this fear, the more I get persist the greater it becomes and knowing where I started from, it has

taken a lot not to give up and not complaining, it's a bug challenge that I'm facing but I'm becoming better. I can remember all those hours I'd spend, molding my terrain, writing the code, and my mind will be frequently saying 

"Niza just give up, what are you doing?" 

but also say,

"Just keep going, you'll get better."

 And I chose the latter of course. Now there is this new version fear that I'm facing, One that doesn't make your skin crawl or your fright you. This one is really a fear. This doesn't cause a sense of doubt but is actually the sense doubt and nothing else.

 The reason why like in my case where this is a problem is because of the load I'm handling. Every month the load keeps increasing and it becomes and I have to work harder than before even and it can pursuing entrepreneurship, it gets irritating when you don't have money to start with.

So the result of this...

 So the result of this fear is that it just makes me to fail to start. As we speak there's a lot I have to do and because of this fear which I just realized I had the moment I woke up today to write this. It's like parasite that doesn't cause

the stinging sensation as it drains the life out of you and you only take notice when your mind asks

"I know I have a load to carry, but isn't it heavier than it's supposed to be?" And this is the exact question I asked this

morning I wrote this. I can say it started in August when I experienced the new batch of this I have to handle and I realized

this just got real. The mistake was that I used to take myself to the future and place myself in that position where I'm

handling all that load and probably much more but in the current state I am which is right now, a Beginner.

 Now I will start learning how to visualize myself in a more realistic way. I see the future the same way but I will see myself not as the beginner I am but that person that will be able to solve those problems like a professional. And really I'm still learning. From the game I'm making to writing this blog. Yes this diary is a practice. When I really get into it, You will be surprised with what I have in store which I will not reveal. 

but I can confidently say

 So that fear, is still there but I can confidently say that I will overcome it. If you feel this way I understand you. I haven't done anything on my game since my last post. Had to assist someone with works that required heavy use of my PC, but I'll get into it starting today. Thanks for reading.